Vinnie 29.01.04 - 15.02.10

[diane melchert]

I think that it helped me to know this too. It is true for any loss. Everyone processes their grief at a different rate depending on the relationship and the circumstances, etc. Part of your loss is that he was still relatively young, perhaps and that it seemed like there was something else that might have been done to help him. I do not mean by you--You did everything you could. But another vet, another proceedure, another medication . . . But sometimes we just can not control all of the details and other's reactions. We go through the 'what if's' . . . if we had just done x, y, or z . . . we could have prevented the death, gotten better help . . . or whatever . . . . We just can't sometimes.

With Tatlim and with my Mother-in-law--I just miss them! They died a year apart, almost to the day and I loved them both dearly. I suspect with Vinnie, this is the case. What a boy he was to you! Virtual hugs. And don't be afraid to continue to talk to us about him. You'd never find me saying it's time you got over it and I don't think anyone else on here will either. We know too well what it's like.

[Muriel]

I have been told that I should "be over it by now" & "perhaps it's time to move on!"

I am totally shocked that anyone could be so heartless! You don't need people like that in your life.

It's only been a few weeks!

Grief takes time to process and deal with. It can take years. We all do it differently and take different times, there is no rule book.

[lesca]

I have been told that I should "be over it by now" & "perhaps it's time to move on!"

Unbelievable...well no it isn't cos some peoples lives are so much poorer as they haven't had these realtionships and therefore just cannot understand and never will. But don't for a moment think they are right.. it isn't even a month yet. Hang in there and keep coming on here. I, like Nina, have been in tears but tears are healing too and we empathise so much with you whether we have lost a dog or not. We are like minded I think is the phrase.

[Liz]

I have been told that I should "be over it by now" & "perhaps it's time to move on!"

That is just so insensitive You will have good days and bad days. It's very early days just yet.

[Sue Marsh]

Some people just do not understand, we are all different and deal with grief in our own way.

Agility has started again, so feel free to come and watch me make a fool of myself and have weim cuddles

[Jean]

The question I saw was how have you all coped and read the answers with leaky eyes but as someone said we all cope differently.

"Over it" I don't think we get over it. I think we learn to live with it, to know that they are tucked into a corner of our hearts where they are safe, secure and forever remembered.

There is not a right or wrong way to grieve the only way is your way and in your time so do it your way

Huge {{{hugs}}} and wish I could take some of the pain away.

[mandieb]

At least you know you have like minded (and sometimes mad ) peeps here to share your fears worries and celebrations with. I dread to think what it will be like with Monty.. he seems to of been around for ever and I can only imagine what you must be feeling. I personally feel for my woofs like I do my girls... so I can totally understand how devasted and cheated you must feel

He was very handsome and loved by you all.. He knew he was loved too

It is still very early days and each day will be different for you. Hugs to you

[Fogdog]

I have been told that I should "be over it by now" & "perhaps it's time to move on!" But I just think it's a shame that some people have never experienced the kind of bond & love I shared with Vinnie .............

Well, I think it's a darn cheek for anyone to denigrate real grief, and a shame that such people have clearly never been privileged to share such love.

We've had The Woozle for nearly five years; I love him dearly and I can thank him for helping me to find this forum, without which I would not have had the emotional outlet to talk about Gulliver and Dora and Willow. Most of all, about Willow because of the burden of guilt I still feel for not having been here when she died. My BH will never understand that a lot of the pleasure I used to take in going to Crete is forever gone because we were there, and couldn't get home in time to be with her.

Staying o n the forum as you have done, Louise, is a brave and wonderful t hing and I hope that in the time to come you will find it possible to share particular memories when you see similar stories on here; and that sharing your stories will help you to come to terms with your loss.
Your photos show a dog who was big and beautiful and knew himself to be so, and knew he was loved.

I hope you never have to see a dog like Woozle was when we found him, when he knew what it was not to have been loved properly and was frightened by it....and I hope the day comes soon when you realise the best cure for a broken heart is Weim-shaped, whether a pup, a juvenile rescue or a geriatric one

[Sonia]

Louise, I find it so sad for those people who think 'you sould be over it', sounds like they think your loss of Vinnie was like losing a bike, or phone, they truly could not have known the joy such a creature can give us and ho w special the relationship and bond that develops between you. As others have said, it is different for everyone, not easier or harder, just different and people cope in different ways. But you must give yourself time and never feel guilty for grieving.

We lost our dog Lucy aged 14 a year before we had Eira and our cat died age 18 just before Christmas. Lucy was closer to my husband and Tara our cat was a bit of a loner, but such a character and I do miss them. Both were ill for some months before they died and the vet warned us it was coming due to age. I suppose thinking back that was helpful for us to accept, losing a younger dog must be so much harder to accept, however that said, Eira is my first Weim and the bond we had almost immediately was so strong and is with our new little one Darcey and the thought of losing either is unbearable.

I agree with others who have said that you will never get over losing Vinnie, but gradually the pain will ease. There are lots of folks on here, who, when you are able to, would be honoured to learn more about your lovely Vinnie, but until then take time, talk to friends, family, forum peeps as much as you need. Sending you lots of love Louise and thinking of you

[Muriel]

Fogdog, have you ever considered that perhaps Willow did not want you to be there when she passed? Who knows why, but everything for a reason. I do understand your feelings though, I'd be just the same which is why I don't leave my dog. Pine Flower Essence would help you let go of your guilt. It may take a couple of bottles depending just how hard a time you're giving yourself.

[Bowithick]

Hi Louise,

Like Lisa said, we all cope in different ways. Caspar, a rescue, was our first Weim, and came into our family to be a friend for our vibrant and adorable LH GSD Harley, probably our dog of dogs. Six weeks later, I came home from taking Jackie to work, and Harley was dead on the kitchen floor. As most of you know, we then loved and worked so hard with Caspar, who in so many respects was the perfect family dog, but who could be almost psychotic once out of the front door, wasn't his fault, poor boy, but once the police called round, we had no choice.

In both cases the pain was almost unbearable. Then six empty weeks after Caspar went on to a better place, our reprobate little black boy came home to stay, as there was no way we could contemplate another grey addition. But then six or seven months later Mandie told the Forum all about her grey lady foster, and the rest is somewhat chaotic history.

This worked for us, but more so than any other of our forty odd years as doggie peeps, I still miss and grieve for Harley. He was my big teddy bear, I loved him to bits, he was Daddy's special boy, and I still have a lump in my throat while I'm typing this. Caspar, for all his troubles, showed us just how Weims insinuate themselves under your skin, no dog has ever given me doggie cuddles the way Caspar did, and no dog, Weim or otherwise will ever replace him.

I suppose this is what I'm trying, rather badly, to say, there are no "replacements", just new and additional loves. There will always always be big big Harley and Caspar sized holes in my cynical old blokey heart, and they will never go away, nor would I want them to, but now, once the time was right, we have two more well filled holes with the monstrous Rohan, and her grey Ladyship. Not replacement holes, but additional ones, right for us at the time, and equally loved, but in additional and different ways.

Just like Harley, Vinnie was your dog of dogs, and you will love him for ever, and no, you won't get over losing him, and why the hell should you, and for people not to understand that, is their loss, not yours.

RIP, your beautiful Vinnie

Love & Hugs

Neil

[Dunc's mum]

Louise

Whoever told you "you should be over it by now" has probably never lost anyone truly special.

A little old lady once told me "If you've not grieved for them you never loved them" She was stood at her husbands graveside with tears in her eyes at the time, so ok he was a human but as far as I'm concerned the rule applies to all.

[Coogan]

Louise

Whoever told you "you should be over it by now" has probably never lost anyone truly special.

A little old lady once told me "If you've not grieved for them you never loved them" She was stood at her husbands graveside with tears in her eyes at the time, so ok he was a human but as far as I'm concerned the rule applies to all.

I totally agree.

[June Cutler]

Oh my love, I really know how you feel. It' so hard when we lose one of our beloved dogs and the emptiness and sorrow we feel is heart rending at times.
We lost out little girl Etta last year, and then Stienuhr not long ago. I have coped with their loss better than David. Even at the weekend he was in tears when someone mentioned Etta's name. She was her daddy's girl. I dreamt of Steinuhr the other night and she was happy. It's so very hard for people to understand our grief and sometimes they say things to us that upsets us. I question myself every day about Etta's passing and wonder if I missed something was wrong. Some days I depair and just wish her back with us.
It's early days and in time it will get easier, but you will never ever forget the smell, warmth and loving ways of Vinnie.
God Bless, x

[Dexter]

Louise the bluecross pet charity run a special support telephone line for grieving owners. Also they have area where you can create your own memorial for Vinnie.
http://www.bluecross.org.uk/web/site/Ab ... SIntro.asp
Why not make a photo memory book all about Vinnie and your adventures together?
My father suffered depression after his spaniel was PTS. He spent days walking along the beach with a loneliness and emptiness in his broken heart When his father died nothing like this intense grief.
On a happier note, I had a mouse-mat made for him years ago and I can honestly say this mouse-mat is the most treasured possesions in his house.